A poetic reflection on a recently and serendipitously recalled childhood memory of a family trip to a tiny house on the outskirts of Cape Girardeau, Missouri, the homestead of Grandma Hoard, my maternal step-great-grandmother, and what I, a St. Louis city-boy, fleetingly discovered (launching a daily, life-long quest) in the darkness of a country-night.
Darkness impenetrable surrounding,
squinted eyes, sightless,
searching for light
(even a hint of it [the moon, in forbidding cloud, masked] absent,
remanded to the custody of the next too-long-to-come dawn;
so dark, to shadows inhospitable),
unable to detect, save by imagination,
the wiggling fingers of my hand spare inches from my face,
I felt mortally empty,
Yet, for once (for first),
the real (illumined) presence
of my eternal soul,
and I knew, though seeing not, I was whole.
2 thoughts on “A Dark Revelation”
I can really relate to this Paul!!! There are so many times I felt I couldn’t see but I didn’t feel lost or afraid. I didn’t look at it as feeling whole until reading this post!! But one question that maybe I missed… were you out alone in the dark at your Grandma’s house??
When my sister’s MS first appeared it took her sight for a time. Though we didn’t know what it was, she wasn’t afraid in spite of the fact that she lost her job because she couldn’t see to drive to work or perform her job tasks. I remember distinctly her saying that she was “still whole in God’s eyes”. Her faith was really amazing!!
Love & thanks to you!!
Loretta, the family trip to visit my step great, great grandmother, Grandma Hoard, was my first time away from St. Louis and my first time out in the country, where, I quickly learned, that come nightfall when, as the folks said, “God lowers the shade”, it was dark as in pitch-black. That first night, I was afraid. Living in the city, I was accustomed to noise and ambient light, not utter quiet (save for the crickets and God knows what else was roaming about!) and darkness. On the second night, as I recall, I ventured out on my own (but not too far from the front porch!), and had the experience I describe. That moment of feeling physically disconnected, yet spiritually awake, alert, alive has riveted me ever since. Yet I’d forgotten about it until reading the book given to me by a friend, “Fear+less Dialogues”. The author, Gregory Ellison II, shares a similar personal story that stirred my memory of my experience.
Thank you for sharing your sister’s testimony to her faith in being whole in God’s eyes. Her words take my breath away! Beautiful!