Subtitle: Of forgiveness…
Some years ago, I wrestled with bitterness concerning (mis)treatment I had received from someone no longer in this world. My therapist recommended that I write a letter to that person to be read at gravesite.
Long, I wrestled  with her request. First, concerning the sense of it. And then, having reconciled myself to its merit as an exercise of self-validation, whether I would do it.
Finally, I wrote the letter. And, finally, I ventured to the cemetery and read my letter.
Today, rummaging through a cache of papers, I found the letter:
N., I believe that as I am forgiven by God, so I am called by God to forgive. This has been and continues to be a hard thing for me. For on some days and at some moments during each day, I do not desire to forgive you. The pain you inflicted, the harm you have done to me is great and long-lived. Nevertheless, in accord with what I believe about God and about the person I have become and the person I am becoming, I continue to strive to forgive you. In a miraculous way, to forgive you is an expression of loving myself. Therefore, I pray your peace, Paul
Today, I remember. Everything. My anguish and anger. My therapist’s care and counsel. Writing and reading the letter. And, thank God, the forgiveness.
© 2022 PRA
 Inner wrestling is my lifelong calling, if not by choice, then, surely, by commitment and practice.